he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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