Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
