The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
