you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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