worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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