when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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