Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
vagina is talking i cant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
