Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
