you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
