I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you win again, gameday.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
