you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
