So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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