if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
