I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
