I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
