I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
