We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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