perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
