you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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