I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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