"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
