i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
