I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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