your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
