the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
