He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
