oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
