you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
