This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
