This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
