hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And then the night went full on bisexual.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You ruined the universe
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
