I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
