The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
