I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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