you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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