I only kidnapped one of them. chill
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
