Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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