i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
