So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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