she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
