It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize