I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
