Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
