Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
