you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
