You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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