Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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