You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
