i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
