You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
