His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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