Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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