went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
