i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
