is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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