These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
