Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
