so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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