who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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