John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
