You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
