I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
