I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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