So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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