Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
