after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
