I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
