I wish I could teleport
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
