I bet he comes in French.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
