im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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