you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
