my mouth tastes like poor choices
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
