Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
