I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
