I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
