It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
